The Aftermath of going One-way


Words that come out of your mouth especially during an argument always follow the One-Way track, embedding into the other persons mind forever. And is that something to be cautious about? Yes! Absolutely yes!

In the process of absorbing a string of words, a lot happens.

  • While one releases his/her anger and built up hatred in that moment, the other lashes out the same
  • While one releases his/her anger and built up hatred in that moment, the other prefers to stay silent only to build his/her dislike towards the former. This eventually bursts some day and the cycle continues.
  • While one releases his/her anger and built up hatred in that moment, the other takes the high road and forgives the former’s action
  • While one releases his/her anger and built up hatred in that moment, a relationship gets destroyed forever as the other decides to cut all ties

When we think about consequences, the aftermath of what we have said and done, we only end up feeling remorse. It may or may not be instant but this feeling will definitely come your way. Instead of landing to this stage in the future, I have started practicing few things recently and accepting the neglected reality.

  • I am a replacement. For example: I am a close friend today and may not be one tomorrow. And this is true as well. My 7+ years friendship went down the drain and someone new replaced me. The only person for whom I will never be a replacement is my mother
  • Think before I speak. This idiom is so old and yet I haven’t mastered this wise saying. Nevertheless, I have started thinking a couple of times before opening my tiny mouth to anyone new after my friendship with this old friend went sour
  • Relay your action and the other person’s reaction. When you start thinking a couple of times, you automatically will land to this point.
  • Not all those who speak well of you actually mean well for you
  • Not all those who smile with you are truly happy for you
  • It’s not ok to put your100% in a friendship. Keep that 1% with you, for you
  • Sometimes people will cling to you because they have no other outlet. Don’t mistake yourself as ‘important’ in their lives
  • Its better not to have expectations than to see them break apart in pieces

From the perspective of one of the ‘latter’s’ mentioned, these pointers have been helping me to think in a much wiser way. Going forward, I might end up sustaining a better friendship with the lessons I have learnt. I became the ‘other’ who broke all ties with this friend and I strongly believe that I might become a better person who has forgiven the former.

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From Hell to Tell


Irrespective of the origin, I always tend to read a lot about other women especially their struggles and inspiration. I have come to the understanding that, no matter which country or race you belong to, a woman or the female species has always been subjected to violation in many forms. Today was just another day where I read about the harrowing experience of an ISIS sex slave victim.

‘How do people have the heart to violate others?’… Now, this topic needs an extensive study. In this young woman’s case, she was abducted at a tender age of 11 after watching all the male members in her family executed live. She served as a slave for a head till the age of 25 and was punished severely when she attempted an escape. Her punishment was not getting hit on the hand, or kneeling down but getting gang raped by her rapist’s juniors. She described how she was forced into doing all the dirtiest things possible to please not just this man and how she endured all of it to avoid further abuse. There was one instance where she was burnt with cigarette buds to see her reaction while others laughed and another where she watched girls younger than her getting raped in front of her. Throughout the reading, I could sense the pain and fear a little girl had till adulthood.

The very thought of being in a situation like her itself is so devastating. It is so difficult to put it in words and even harder to imagine the atrocities. This story was not a ‘woman thing’ alone. It’s about hurting another human being. Don’t these people have any remorse? Do they even show compassion or have they ever shown pity to anyone? I wonder if death in the worst-case scenario is one form of showing Mercy to these women. In any case, its difficult to predict how long will all this continue.

If you are reading this, you are in a better place. I took a few minutes to visit her scary and painful path, placing myself in her shoes and those like her. Even as I am typing my thoughts to share with you, my hair strands on my hands are up. Reading about stories like hers has become so common that it doesn’t affect us (or much). Have you ever pondered… ‘if women are treated like this in our generation where on one side we have an iPhone with Face recognition and another shady side where women are locked away behind the doors of slavery, deprivation and humiliation, what will our future be? What will the future of every girl that are born now and those who will be born in the future be?’ The thought itself is so frightening. Voices like hers need to be told (repeatedly). It has to be told. It should be told so that we don’t forget that there is a darker side of humanity, which needs our attention and action.

Run for the Perfect Relationship


Here’s a question. Why are proposals and the perfect Atmospheric setting an imperative for a successful relationship? Seriously like why? I had gone to meet a group of friends sometime back and one of them is due to marry next year. It was supposed to be a happy occasion with all of us cheering and wishing her, asking her if she needed any kind of help with the wedding arrangements and occasionally teasing her to the point where her cheeks turned red. Instead the topic for discussion was stalled at ‘how did he propose?’ and ‘where did he propose?

Apparently, most of them have this notion that if a guy doesn’t bring the essentials (a ring, a bunch of red roses and may be a necklace) to sync with both great food and music in a romantic place, a relationship is set to be doomed. It doesn’t actually set the path of a long lasting love because the start wasn’t mystical. I wonder if movies are to be blamed for this idiotic thought or ‘us’ because we have simply become more materialistic. What I felt was, I mean, shouldn’t it be important that you are with someone you love, who wants to age with you and deal with everything about you? Shouldn’t it be enough that you know that you are cherished not by zillions but a single person, to whom you are the world? How does it matter what he gave or where he gave? The point is… he has given himself to you and is being honest with you.

Yes it’s nice to be gifted with something and I will not deny it. But that doesn’t have to be extravagant. At the same time, these actually don’t have a real role in making a bond strong. Looking at my friend it appeared that she was thrown under a bus. It felt that now she had to please those around her with her proposal story than being contempt with what truly occurred. As for a success of any relationship, I feel it takes two hands to clap. How each partner contributes to their growth as a couple in terms of love, respect, communication, togetherness (spending time with each other), responsibility, gratitude and support plays a vital role in strengthening them. It’s more realistic and robust, and will definitely take you till the end. I sounded like a spiritual guru (and might be now) and failed to make my point. The ‘have’s’ won over the actual ‘want’s’. Little do we all realise that in the long run, we eventually understand and wish we stuck to the ‘want’s’ of life.

A Combination for a Lesson


Year’s back I had travelled to Thekkady in Kerala for a two-day vacation. The first day went in touring the city and watching the traditional art forms. It was more laid back and interesting at the same time. The second day however was packed with a lot of adventure. We visited the tiger reserve and opted for a full day trek in the forest. We had to travel on rafts to reach the other side of the forest and start our long trek into the wilderness. I was very excited that day. I had just quit my company. This trip was the much-needed break I wanted after all the politics and disappointments at work. Anyway, I was finally happy to be away from the city life lost in the jungle beauty. The tall trees, the rough paths, families of animals and birds watching us from afar and atop, buzzing insects, the clean air, the dirt free land and the uncontaminated water was so refreshing and magical. While admiring the beauty of life on the way, I found a lot of elephant dung. These were not just the normal excreta. It was supporting a new life – tiny white coloured mushrooms (which I presumed to be poisonous). Still, watching them made me happy for some reason. It (the Mushroom ) sort of told me that no matter what your situation in life is, how terrible your surrounding is, or how empty everything is – there will always be a positive thing coming out of it. Good things can come from the shittiest of places so never lose hope.

Mushroom
Mushroom growing on the elephant dung

Words of a Wise Woman


A wise woman reinforced something I had forgotten sometime back – ‘Years of emotional involvement with a person can never be taken as a yes for speaking your heart and mind whenever or wherever you want to that person. It’s impossible to know someone completely. When a mother itself is unaware of all the things or feelings happening to or inside her child, then how do you expect to know everything about a friend? There will always be a curtain behind which stands a shadow of unknown and unsaid feelings. These are dangerous and only pile up over time. It ultimately takes you to a point where you longer want to associate yourself with the other person. So beware. Don’t take anyone for granted. Practice your mind and mouth to adopt a Gingerly approach when you deal with anyone in life no matter how close you are to that person’.

A ‘better’ Moonwalk


Who doesn’t love Dancing? Everyone isn’t? But did you know that birds also dance? When you compare a human’s dance with that of an animal or bird, I can bet that it’s the latter that will win more hearts. We rarely get to see them up close. And having to watch them demonstrate a behaviour or skill that ‘we’ often showcase always brings a huge smile on my face. If you don’t believe me, please watch this video that I watched years back and you will know what I mean. Enjoy!

PS: If MJ’s soul was wandering around or is watching them from above, am sure he would be amazed by this little wonder.

Defining the Complex Neighbour


 

Sometimes it’s sweet when you share the goodness of life

Sometimes it’s bitter when you take the harshness like a knife

Sometimes it’s love when there is homage

Sometimes it’s a war when there is a breakage

Sometimes it’s an exchange of hugs and smiles

Sometimes it’s an interchange of bashes and whines

Sometimes it’s a gift of a vessel

Sometimes it’s a tiff on the return of that utensil

Sometimes it’s the spice to keep you toed

Sometimes it’s the salt to rub your nose

Sometimes it’s ignorance to mingle

Sometimes its arrogance to stay just single

Sometimes its compassion when you wipe a tear

Sometimes it’s a tension when you don’t shed a tear

Sometimes its humanity when you run out of assets

Sometimes its brutality when you forget the credits

Sometimes its warmth when a new member arrives

Sometimes its darkness when someone dear dies

——–

You can define it however

Life with a neighbour is complex, varying faster than the seasons.

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This post is in response to daily prompt:Neighbors

A bit Ghoulish!


Ok, how many of you are actually a bit Ghoulish in nature? By this I mean, someone interested in death or a disaster mainly? It’s not the word anyone would like to identify with. New in my dictionary, I did hear it somewhere but I had to look up to find its meaning. From what I understand, ghoulish is a familiar term in the west and since it’s the week of Halloween, today’s challenge makes a lot of sense. But then, I don’t know anything about this western celebration, so I might as well talk about myself.

It was 2004. My ghoulish curiosity in natural disasters was born. I woke up to my neighbours banging on our door, and then telling us that the sea has come inside and a lot of people have died. Being naïve, I thought they were stupid. I mean, ‘common’. How can the sea come inside? And those were the literal words they used. We had never heard of anything like this. Our schoolbooks taught us about Droughts, Volcanic eruptions, Floods, Earthquakes and Cyclones and none of these actually gave a description of huge waves coming into land with great speed and colossal force. I thought it must be a high tide. I also felt, may be the news channels are spreading rumours to cause chaos and create a new ‘news’. A lot of thinking went on in my tiny head as they kept talking with gestures and varied tones to my mom who was left speechless. An hour into all this madness, we finally saw the first few images and videos of people from different countries and were left in shock.

The scale of devastation that day was immense. 14 countries were hit and oblivious to a tsunami and the power it carries, many stood near the shore watching the approaching waves. By the time they realised the danger, the racing waters had already absorbed them. For us commoners, our Sundays changed. Everyone feared the waters. I, on the other hand, started having mixed dreams. Sometimes I would be in front of the waters, running for my life or falling into the raging waters from a building while warning others. It was crazy and unhealthy. I ended up becoming fascinated and inquisitive about the sheer power of the sea, its ability not just to sustain life but also destroy it in a matter of few seconds. Isn’t it weird how we humans take nine months and several hours to enter this world and only a few seconds to exit? I wanted to know a lot of things like:

  • How is it formed?
  • What causes it?
  • Can we stop the tectonic plates from snapping?
  • Is there a way to release the built in pressure in a harmless way?
  • How to you identify it even when an expected organization or an agency hasn’t alarmed the people?
  • How can we survive once it hits us or sweeps us?
  • Can we get lucky in fighting against the waters rage?
  • What happens under the sea and to its dwellers?
  • Do animals know about an incoming disaster?
  • How can we humans prevent it?
  • Can we predict the next one and if yes, how much of information can we actually get?
  • How much of studies has gone and is currently going on in this subject?

Wow, there are so many questions I still want to ask. One thing is certain though, no matter how many answers we get or how much we advance in technology, I feel that nature will always has the last say – in everything. Our lives traced back to normalcy after few weeks and I too resorted to my mundane life. Besides the irreplaceable damage, there were some positive transformations amongst all of us. One was the inclusion of ‘tsunami’ in the textbooks and two, was educating people on not just the disaster and reading the danger signs, but also the need to learn swimming. I still continue talking about this subject even though it’s easy to get the information online. There is no need for it, but from what I have seen, we humans seldom take interest in anything that is unrelated to us and a morbid topic is definitely not on the list for discussion.

Do you have a ghoulish curiosity like me? I would like to hear your thoughts on the same.

A Lifeguard for a Day


A four-legged neighbour has always fascinated me ever since my younger days. My first encounter with this beauty goes back to the summer holidays in the 90s. My mother was then posted in Bhopal. As a working mother, she rarely had a lot of spare time unlike me. On one of the many regular days while she was away, I saw her up-close and became a lifeguard for the first time.

The sun was at its harshest and Stupid (my dog) and I were still playing in the garden. We chased each other till we ran out of energy, gasping for breath and falling on the freshly trimmed grass for a break. We napped for a good few minutes only to be woken by a splashing sound which came from the bucket under the pine tree. Initially scared, I stood up to get a closer look when stupid suddenly started barking and wagging her tail at the same time. It was her way of saying ‘its not scary’. As I went close with her, I finally saw this neighbour. She was a beautiful, tiny, slightly hairy and tired squirrel trying its best to get out of the bucket.

The decision time is crucial for everyone. That point, I remembered my mom telling me ‘never to touch wild animals especially the babies’. The mothers don’t Prefer a human smell on their offspring and therefore, reject them. An orphaned baby is as good as dead but I didn’t want to think of the consequences. I knew one thing. This little one needed my help. I quickly placed my hands under her, scooped her gently and placed her on the dry land where she stayed for a long time till she was good to climb back home. Fortunately, my gods were kind as always and she wasn’t abandoned.

The ‘identity’ in an Indian Movie


“What’s your identity?” He asked

“Everything you own is given by your parents.

You live a carefree life, feeding of the goods not just of your parents and siblings, but also your friends.

You have no shame, no respect, and no aims or goals in life. You are an irresponsible guy who just wants to get through the day and be a useless junk in the society.”

If you have watched a lot of Indian movies, then these questions are not new. I was so tired of watching many films with these repeat dialogues having a few changes. The theme however always remained the same – Your identity!

The ‘Identity’ in movies mostly is either a conversation between a father and son or a father and his daughter’s boyfriend. Sometimes the roles reverse. It’s the girl who gets questioned especially if she is from a poor background. Lets delve. How much of these stories depicted and the words communicated in a scene actually come from a household away from the glitz and glamour of the big screen? I can easily relate to a few instances but I am going to cite only two examples.

At one point in my life, I wanted to become a singer. I learned a bit of piano while growing up and I thought I could also be a Madonna or have my own group like Boney M. I never understood their lyrics as a toddler and would bounce on my feet every time my mom played Rasputin or her songs. During high school, I came close to quitting education to join the list of people in search of a break in the music industry. I cried, I fought, and I cribbed because I thought it’s easy to become a singer. On hearing this, my mother went berserk. The first thing she said in a sarcastic yet controlled tone was:

‘What did you just say…. You want to be a Singer?

Have you gone mad?

Who is teaching you all this?

What will happen to your studies?

Do you know how much pain and sufferings I have endured all these years to give you the best education?’

Now when I look back, I can see the matches. I wonder if she had discussed about me with a scriptwriter or it’s just that there have been and are many ‘ME’s. The ‘What’s that day still resonate in my brown ears. The bottom line is, I was given the taste of reality. I had to make an Identity for myself, which meant gaining knowledge by finishing school, graduating from college and then may be pursuing a master’s degree or getting a job. I just did all of it.

Now lets read the following lines and see if it rings a bell:

“They will never understand our love.

My parents are the worst. I thought they loved me but they care only about their status.

Take me away from them and lets get married.”

It was my second semester. My college principal was in charge of conducting Hindi classes for all the 2nd year students. One day she walked in with a mixed look of anger and disappointment, and narrated the reason behind it. A female student had gone missing for ten days. She was finally found – alive, healthy and married. She had eloped from home to be with her boyfriend of few months. In the days prior to her run, she informed her friends that her family was aware of this newfound relationship. Being the typical Indian parents, they were against it. They argued about how unsuitable he was, and that he seemed like a liar interested in gaining some financial aid from her family. When they questioned her about his background, she was left speechless. She only knew three things:

  • He couldn’t live without her.
  • He was unconditionally in love with her.
  • He was a wealthy guy who would often come to pick her from college in different cars. This meant that he was self-sufficient.

Running away seemed the only option to live peacefully with the love of her life. I started replaying a similar scene from an old movie and thought may be the writers had interviewed her folks but this was recent. In this girl’s case, she fell for a mechanic working at a garage who would drive a new vehicle every day. Blinded in love, she trashed her memories and trust of her parents to start a new life only to be cheated later. Questioning her actions now sounds easy but I felt what would have happened if she had completed her studies and then talked about marriage. She would have secured herself not just in terms of acquiring knowledge or a degree, but a better understanding of people and relationships.

My take after scrolling through a number of such instances on a common dialogue (between lovers, friends or family) or a part (like someone eloping, or giving up on life, or chasing their dreams and so on) has evolved. In my opinion, much of these are inspired from our very lives. It could have been motivated by someone’s past or present, and perhaps it is a way to inform and prepare people of such scenarios the easiest way.